Voldemort's Nipple
by UsadaWhatever
Summary: Twilight is in bed, sick from an unknown cause-but whatever the cause is, it's affecting her dreams. Horrid summary, possibly the most incomprehensible thing you will ever read. Open at own risk. First (posted) fanfic - based on a dream I had when I has sick.


Inside a feverish cerebellum, there was a tribe of pony-human hybrids. Although a typical hybrid of this sort would take the form of a centaur, these odd creatures were simply

English-speaking, technicolored ponies. In a particular region of the cerebellum, five of these ponies resided. They were a set of six; however, it was apparent that they were one

short.

In Modoruno, a province of the feverish cerebellum, the missing pony had found a box. Her name was Twilight Sparkle. Although she called herself a pony, she only had human

features. Her hair was navy blue, streaked with pink and purple. Despite the fact that this wasn't her normal form, she didn't question why she suddenly had fingers and toes.

Twilight focused her attention on the dark blue box sitting before her. She took one foot and placed it inside the box. Suddenly, the thing swung open like a trap door, and Twilight

Sparkle tumbled nearly seventy feet into a wide, sapphire-embezzled cavern. A pillow broke her fall. A voice came out of the darkness, startling her.

"Why isn't the box always child friendly?"

"What?" Twilight cocked a purple eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

LeBron James stepped out of the darkness. "The skeleton boxes. They are scary."

The blue-haired girl looked to her right, spotting a large cube with a detailed portrait of a dead body on it.

Something came over Twilight. Her brain seemed to seize up. Her hands curled into fists, and she brought them up to her temples, letting out a bone-splintering scream. The

cavern swirled around her, and she refused to look back at the box that had caused her so much agony. A calm fingernail rested on her head.

"Wait, look. Once you get over it, it's good. There's a thing," LeBron James comforted Twilight. Twilight slowly stopped screaming, although she was still shaking terribly. She

understood what the random human was saying. She looked at the skeleton box, and suddenly all of her fear melted away.

"I'll open it, because look. Everybody, there's something inside the box!" Twilight exclaimed happily. She pried open the box, revealing an alienoid kitten. The tiny, hairless thing

mewed softly as Twilight caressed its overly large head. A hole emerged at the bottom of the container, and it began to regurgitate a tempest of disproportional kittens.

"Kittens for everyone!" cried LeBron James and Twilight Sparkle simultaneously. A crowd of American citizens abruptly crowded the gem cavern to collect their kittens.

Twilight became a sailor. She was now on a wooden sailboat with the rest of the humans that had unexpectedly appeared in the cavern. Her kitten, Eyeballs, sat alongside her as

she slept on the deck. She awoke to see that her purple hooves had returned, and her unicorn magic had been restored.

"What are we going?" she yawned sleepily.

"All the ponies are waiting for you. We must defeat Discord," said UsadaWhatever's mom.

"_What_? Where is the mirror maze?!" Twilight sat up with a jolt. Didn't they already defeat Discord in season two?

"Rena is a Mary-Sue, but she's super cute," said a black-haired stranger. A myriad of Higurashi characters were running around on a table before her.

"Yeah," Twilight agreed, "so are we there?"

They teleported to a mirror maze.

Inside the reflective labyrinth, Twilight and Shigeru Miyamoto's family ran around wildly, panicking. Despite the fact that they could see each other running around through the

corridors, they had no clue where anyone was going. Twilight turned a corner….and found herself face-to-face with Lord Voldemort. Shirtless. Sapphires covered his nipples. The

dark wizard sent a flurry of spells around the mirror maze, spreading even more chaos and confusion. Miraculously, Twilight found the exit, and her companions filed out behind

her. They traveled to the Jacuzzi.

"Alright, we need a plan," said UsadaWhatever's mom.

"If we don't defeat Discord, will there ever be a new Zelda game?" Twilight Sparkle wondered aloud, an anxious expression on her face. Everyone was nervous. To make matters

worse, it began to rain, soaking the ground and everyone's hair. "Alright everybody, settle down. We need to move to the tennis court!" A loud roar of approval arose from the

crowd, and Twilight went on her way.

When Twilight arrived at the rain-soaked tennis court, she had an odd feeling in her stomach. Was it nervousness related to defeating Discord? _No, _Twilight thought, _we could do_

the same thing we did last time again. Then why was her heart hurting? A voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Hey, Twilight!"

The purple pony turned around, immediately getting an eyeful of pink, tangled hair. Her five friends had returned, smiling—although Rainbow Dash looked a little strange. She

was fully human, wearing a rainbow tutu and kneesocks. Her blue wings remained intact, and Twilight's eyes hung on the awkward figure of the flying human version of her

friend.

"You ready, girls?" Rarity growled, stealing her line. Twilight looked back at the dreary tennis arena. Her heart was still doing strange things, as if one of those kneadable erasers

was reproducing with a spittoon of silly putty inside her chest. Out of the corner of her eye, a tool shed materialized into her line of sight.

Twilight never knew what came over her after that, probably because she woke up, but she galloped away from her friends and toward the old shack. She was in for a surprise as

soon as she opened the door.

It was Discord.

Twilight didn't even think before wrapping the draconequus in a passionate hug. "Hey, Discord! How's it doing?"

Discord payed no heed to Twilight's questionable grammar. "What," he said.

Twilight finally realized that she was apparently a TwiCord shipper in her subconscious. She was…excited about seeing Discord again?

"Listen," she mumbled, releasing Discord from her hooves, "I'm here because….I'm not sure I want to fight with you anymore."

Discord looked shocked. "Well, listen, Twilight. You don't have to do the everything and your friends with the elements, I think I know you are communicating why suddenly you

fall into the box, do you have feelings for me, Twilight? If you know don't I can't I will spare you and your friends but the elements," he explained.

"Should I tell the girls?" Twilight asked, eyebrows curved up in an anxious expression.

"Pffft, no," Discord rolled his eyes, "it has to be a secret."

Twilight exited the building looking stern. She addressed her colorful friends, "Girl, disagreement with any of the building. In addition to the person, we will have our troops and

material. If you try hard, we can not, we have not seen it!"

"Yeah, you tell 'em, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash shouted, pumping her fists.

"Ho bisogno di vomitare e farcire le mie narici!" cried Pinkie Pie.

Suddenly, all the ponies froze as Discord emerged from the building.

* * *

Twilight's eyes flew open, and she sat up with a jolt. What had just happened? She realized that her bed was covered in sweat; she was panting heavily.

"Oh, thank goodness, Twilight! I thought you would never wake up."

As Twilight's foggy head cleared up, she noticed Spike standing next to her, holding a tray of apple fritters. "Spike? Huh…thank _goodness_ that was a dream," she sighed.

"You were out like a light last night," Spike explained, "I thought you might have been sick, and then I remembered that I accidentally dropped my sapphire in the cider

Applejack gave you, and I felt so guilty…"

Twilight let this information sink in—and then it hit her.

The sapphire cavern.

The sapphire nipples.

The characters from franchises she didn't even know existed.

They had been a fever dream….caused by Spike's gem candy?! Twilight looked at Spike harshly. "Spike, take a letter," Twilight demanded. Spike quickly grabbed a sheet of

parchment and a quill from Twilight's bedside table.

_"Dear Princess Celestia,  
Today, I learned that Spike's snacks might contain some sort of drug…"_


End file.
